Stars

Do you remember still the falling stars
that like swift horses through the heavens raced
and suddenly leaped across the hurdles
of our wishes--do you recall? And we
did make so many! For there were countless numbers
of stars: each time we looked above we were
astounded by the swiftness of their daring play,
while in our hearts we felt safe and secure
watching these brilliant bodies disintegrate,
knowing somehow we had survived their fall.

Falling Stars, Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming

I can't remember the last time I was able to enjoy the luxury of just lying somewhere while staring up a night sky filled with stars. Maybe it was three years ago, along the shores of a well-remembered beach. Or maybe it was three years before that, amidst the city lights, on a night when I deconstructed my life as it signaled my entry into the real world. What I know is that stars don't scare me. On the contrary, they bring me peace, and, on certain nights, even joy.

When I was very young, I was extremely afraid of the dark. Even now, I sleep with the lights on. But as a child, I had this habit of looking out the window at night, when everybody else is asleep, and staring at the sky. My school teachers used to say that you can never count the stars up there; that never stopped me from trying.

It's one thing to look for stars; it's another thing to wait for those huge, falling ones (which incidentally aren't really stars). But what joy, when you see one! They say it's for luck. I'm not sure about that.

I do not discount the brainwashing of sorts that I got from taking to heart that Pinnochio song, "When You Wish upon a Star," very early on. I figured since I can never count them all, looking up and wishing on all the stars my eyes can reach will somehow make my dreams come true. That was before I learned to pray to the higher power behind those skies; before I finally came to accept that not all dreams are meant to be realized.

The truth is, I never stopped being amazed by the beauty of it all. I no longer delude myself into believing that I deserve to get whatever my heart desires. But I still look up to the stars every now and then, waiting for that perfect moment when I can raise my hands up and sing, "If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true."